I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
