All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My feet surprised me
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