I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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