I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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