I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't deserve a penis
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
