Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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