Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
