Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
