nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
