i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
