I think I am morally bankrupt
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
