God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
