i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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