Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
