There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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