Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
why is half of my head shaved?
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