Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
