Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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