She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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