wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
