My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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