im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He did a backflip because drugs
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
