Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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