Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
