Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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