I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It was like getting head from an anaconda
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
