The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
