pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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