You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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