You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
