Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
