How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
did i just pee glitter
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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