just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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