so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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