I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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