Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
