Why are handjobs necessary in class?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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