her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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