opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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