fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
