Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
