Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
