He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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