I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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