tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
