mondays should just be called national damage control day
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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