You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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