Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
