I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
