Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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