Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
