I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
