they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
