Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
