when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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